I wrote this many years ago while in an abusive relationship

Happy Birthday
i hear myself screaming
again again again
vaguely as if removed
from the events happening
i wonder why i can't stop
i know i should or the neighbours will
hear
that's what he says
(stupid inconsiderate
bitch shut up its late people
are sleeping)
but the noise just comes out
and out and out and out
i am backed into the clothes
rack hands up to protect my face
i know some punches have hit
but i don't feel them
i am enveloped in screams and coats
just as quick as it
started the blows
(baby i'm sorry my god
look at your face
what have i done)
stop unlike my screams
they don't stop they keep
going and going and i
am still wondering
why i can't stop
the neighbours will hear
(baby i'm sorry)
hands try to embrace me but
i pull away don't want to be touched
but they pursue and i am
in the corner screaming
arms raised to shield
me from the hands that are
trying to comfort
(baby i'm so sorry)
me and they don't stop
neither do the low howls
that used to be
screams
i feel myself sink into
foetal position howling still
happy birthday